


symphony of dissonance

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, don't google that remix unless you want to feel violated, how are they gayer than the ones who are actually doing the do, if massu really listens to lil wayne i'll lose my shit, koyatego's shower adventures, sex with feelings, unconventional romance, vulgar song lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 22:06:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Your prompt: massu lends their sweater to shige. When shige is home, they realize they still have massu's sweater and find massu's iPod. Out of curiosity, shige looks through massu's music and finds a playlist titled with shige's name.





	symphony of dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> generated by the [otp prompt generator](https://prompts.neocities.org/) (not mine). i wasn't actually going to use massu's worldista solo as a title until i finished writing and realized how much it fit.

One of these days, Shige will learn how to dress for the weather. Particularly when the seasons are changing, or more accurately when they _should_ be changing, Shige should at least take a leaf out of Massu’s book and _layer_ so that he’s not freezing in the morning and baking in the afternoon—then freezing again at night.

“Honestly, Shige,” Massu frets, examining his sweatshirt, hoodie, _and_ leather coat (on top of a thermal shirt) before offering Shige the hoodie. “This isn’t your first time in Hokkaido. Just because the sun’s out doesn’t mean it’s spring.”

Shige frowns as he pulls over the hoodie over his sweatshirt; it’s about four sizes too big and the hood completely covers his face, but it’s warm and smells like that body wash Koyama was jizzing over last year. The material is thick and woven, striped with about five different colors and a lot of pockets, and it only takes Shige a few seconds to start thawing out.

“Thanks,” he mutters, rubbing his hands together inside the sleeves of the hoodie, nowhere near the holes where his wrists are supposed to be. “I didn’t expect it to be so windy.”

Massu scoffs, like he doesn’t believe Shige one bit, and Shige decides not to argue. They’re on their way back to the hotel from some store Massu had wanted to check out while they were in town, surprisingly empty handed. Normally, Shige wouldn’t be caught dead shopping with Massu, especially for clothes, but he didn’t have anything better to do and needed a break from his laptop before he threw it out the window.

It’s still early, the deep reds and purples of the sunset still vibrant in the sky, and Shige appreciates it as they walk the short distance to the hotel. The writer in him wants to be inspired by the sight, full of words and ideas he can’t write down fast enough, but he’s so exhausted from rehearsal that the creative part of his brain has checked out for the night—and probably the rest of the tour.

“Want to grab something to eat?” Massu asks, neck craning as they pass by a little mom-and-pop restaurant. It looks a lot like when Tegoshi checks out a woman and Shige tries not to laugh at Massu directing it toward _food_.

“Sure,” Shige agrees. He may be tired, but he has to eat eventually, and a hot meal sounds much better than the granola bars he has stashed in his suitcase. Besides, he’s gotten a second wind from the way Massu’s face lights up at the gyoza advertisement on the window. So predictable, that one.

The shop is warm and homely, only a few other patrons enjoying a late dinner on such a cold night. Shige chooses a table by the window and Massu takes his seat without protest, promptly scrutinizing the menu while Shige people-watches. He likes to get the day’s special, especially when he’s out of town. Whatever other people think is the best to promote, he will enjoy.

“Are you okay?” Massu asks, and Shige darts his eyes toward Massu to find the other man frowning in concern. “We can order take out if you want to go back to the hotel and relax.”

Shige’s shaking his head before Massu is even done speaking. “I’m fine. I can relax here. Let’s stay.”

“Okay,” Massu says slowly. “If you fall asleep at the table, I will carry you back!”

Shige laughs and feels even warmer at the big smile on Massu’s face. “I don’t doubt that for a second.”

The server arrives to take their orders and Shige returns to staring out the window. Massu joins him and they point out random things across the street, an oddly colored building and a stray cat on a windowsill. The best part of spending time with Massu is the complete lack of pressure to have an actual conversation; if either one of them actually has something to talk about, they will, but usually it’s a lot of this.

It’s a welcome break from thinking and working, anyway. Even when both of their phones go off, signalling a message in their group chat with the other members, Shige doesn’t rush to read it. He already knows what it says, anyway—Koyama and/or Tegoshi have woken up from their nap(s) and are inviting them out to drink.

“Koyama wants to know if we want to meet them at this bar a few streets away,” Massu relays, and Shige rolls his eyes. Massu’s not the only predictable one. “He sent a picture of Tegoshi half awake and glaring at the camera with one eye.”

Shige laughs. “Those two.”

“That’s a no, right?” Massu asks, fingers poised over his phone and looking at Shige expectantly.

“It’s a no for _me_ ,” Shige clarifies. “I can return on my own if you want to go meet them.”

“Hard pass,” Massu says, and now Shige’s the one glaring when Massu lifts his phone to take a picture. “I’d rather carry _you_ than both of them.”

Their food arrives then, and Shige doesn’t think of anything other than tasty noodles and hot steam until his bowl is empty. Well, not _anything_ —Massu’s ephemeral bliss with every bite is an entertaining backdrop, and Shige smiles at the memory of watching this one with his beloved gyoza periodically since they’ve known each other.

Not much has changed, honestly, just the cut and color of Massu’s hair and the sharpening of his features with age. His eyes still sparkle happily, at least until he closes them to fully appreciate the taste in his mouth. This is probably the highlight of his entire day and it shows; despite all the horrors of the world right now, Shige feels at peace watching Massu eat, as comfortable as if he were lost in the story he’s supposed to be writing.

To keep from interrupting, Shige sneaks a peek at his phone and scrolls up through the conversation he’d missed. After Massu had turned down Koyama and Tegoshi for the both of them, Tegoshi had accused Massu of wanting to be alone with Shige and Massu had shot back that they’re not the ones taking naps together. And showers, Koyama had added, to which Massu had given them a throwing up emoji.

“They’re idiots,” Massu says now, and Shige looks over again to find Massu’s eyes on him. “Even if I did want to be alone with you, it’s hardly any worse than what those two get up to.”

Shige yawns. “I wouldn’t be very good company tonight anyway,” he admits. “I’m going to pass out the minute I get back to my room.”

Massu doesn’t reply right away, and when he does, Shige can’t read his face. “Same, probably.”

He doesn’t _look_ tired, but what does Shige know? Shige himself is even sleepier than he was before, helped along by a full belly and a warm, cozy environment (and hoodie). While he’s struggling to focus on staying awake, Massu signals for the check and insists on treating since it was his idea to eat here.

Shige doesn’t argue. He feels mildly guilty until he tries to get up and slumps right back down onto the chair, his body seeming to weigh much more than he’s used to.

“Do I actually need to carry you?” Massu asks seriously, and Shige shakes his head. “It’s fine. I worked out my back this morning.”

Before Shige can protest, Massu has hoisted him up to his feet and draped him over his back. Suddenly airborne, Shige clamps his arms and legs around Massu’s shoulders and waist, experiencing the surreal feeling of bouncing up and down without moving on his own as Massu exits the store and makes his way down the street.

Shige doesn’t remember the last time he rode piggy-back; it might not have been since he was a kid. The night has turned colder but he doesn’t notice, drowning in Massu’s hoodie with his face pressed in the collar of Massu’s coat. Now that he doesn’t have to move on his own, he’s more awake and aware of his surroundings, including the firm muscles under his hands and between his thighs.

It’s not just the body wash he smells either; it’s leather and leftover after-shave and the faintest bit of sweat from carrying a grown man on his back. Shige’s overwhelmed by the unfamiliar sensations and zones out until they stop moving, when Shige lifts his head and learns that they’re waiting for the elevator at the hotel.

“I can walk now,” he says, and Massu jerks in surprise. “Sorry for startling you.”

Massu just shakes his head and lets Shige down, arm extended for support. All alertness Shige had accumulated on the way back disappears now that he has to hold up his own weight, and he ends up leaning on Massu all the way to the door of his hotel room.

“Thanks for dinner,” he says politely. “See you in the morning.”

“Good night,” Massu says, then crosses the hall to his own room.

Shige lets himself in with no problem and promptly face-plants on the bed, snuggling with the oversized hoodie that his last few seconds of coherence reminds him he’d forgotten to give back. Oh well, he can do it tomorrow. It’s not like they’re not meeting at seven A.M. for one last dress rehearsal before the afternoon show.

It’s quiet when Shige wakes, and for a few terrifying seconds he thought he’d forgotten to set his alarm. But it’s only half past four, leaving another hour before he has to think about getting up, except that his mind is racing and his body craves stretches that leave him wide awake. Something digs into his side when he rolls over, making him hiss at the sharp pain as he reaches into a hidden pocket of the hoodie and finds something small and square.

A squint in the lamp he’d never turned off reveals it to be an iPod shuffle, a bright yellow one with a puffy pig sticker on the back. Shige recognizes it as one of the ones Koyama had gotten them when they had their comeback as four, all in member colors. Shige doesn’t even know where his is—all of his music is on his phone now.

Apparently, Massu is old school, because the device is fully charged and paused on the last song Massu had been listening to. Curious, Shige grabs his ear buds and plugs them in, smiling as he hears the upbeat dance music Massu loves. Just like food, Shige appreciates listening to artists that others recommend, or in this instance sync to their iPod. He clicks on a couple buttons before he finds the one he’s looking for, absently listening to the names of Massu’s playlists until he hears something that makes him click again.

Workout, cleaning, road trip, relaxing, Shige.

Shige blinks as he listens again. It’s not a mistake—there really is a playlist named after him. He’s playing it before it occurs to him that this might be something private Massu wouldn’t want him to hear, but it’s already too late. It’s okay since it has his name on it, right?

The first song is something Shige doesn’t recognize, heavy electronica with female vocals. He can’t tell what she’s singing about, but the beat is nice and he listens for a minute before skipping to the next song, which is a little more R&B. Another woman sings in English—Shige’s pretty sure it’s Ariana Grande—and it’s so relaxing that he listens to the whole thing.

His English isn’t great, and Ariana Grande is known for slurring her lyrics so much that fluent speakers can’t even tell what she’s saying, but the lines at the bridge are clear: _Don’t pretend you’re just a friend._ Shige thinks he knows what that means, but it doesn’t make any sense. Why would Shige be pretending that he’s Massu’s friend? Maybe the relevance has less to do with the words and more to do with the production of the song.

The track after that is an old solo by Sexy Zone’s Kikuchi Fuuma, and Shige frowns at the labyrinth this playlist is turning out to be. He doesn’t know what he had expected going into this, but a bunch of sultry love songs wasn’t it. Maybe Massu is secretly in love with him? Shige laughs out loud at the thought; out of all of the reasons why that idea was preposterous, Massu isn’t the type to pine silently. If Massu _were_ in love with Shige, he would have said something at the first sign of feeling something different toward him. They’ve known each other forever, long enough to see through each other’s bullshit on the rare occasion it surfaces.

Janelle Monae’s “Make Me Feel” is next, and Shige smiles at the thought of Massu listening to his radio show and checking out the songs he recommends. Perhaps Massu feels the same way Shige does about other people’s tastes. Then Domoto Koichi is crooning in his ears about losing control and Shige’s eyes widen. This was one of their senpai’s sexier songs from back in the day, and hearing those kinds of words in his native language has a completely different effect on him.

Maybe Massu does have feelings for him? Strong feelings, the kind that are heightened by songs about love...and sex...

Lil Wayne’s rapping at the beginning of the next track, and Shige’s studied American popular culture enough to know that nothing tasteful can come out of this. Shige understands way too much, which means that the lyrics are filthy, and all he can think is that neither he nor Massu have the body part that Weezy keeps mentioning. The woman’s verses are mildly less vulgar,  despite including the curse word that Shige still doesn’t know how to use properly, but it’s enough to have Shige hot all over, breathing harder than he should be in bed by himself at four-thirty in the morning.

Compared to that, The Weeknd is a blissful reprieve, though the content is similar. Shige has played this song on his radio show too. Following is the original version of Forever Mine, like the iPod was giving Shige a break from the literal mind fucking it’s been doing, and Shige’s only coherent thought is that Massu sings it better.

Another EDM song plays after that and Shige’s ashamed to admit he’s _disappointed_. He actually skips it, a mixture of curiosity and excitement demanding to know what other songs Massu associates with him, and he regrets it as soon as he hears their old group leader singing in English: _We should be alone. I wanna take you closer to pleasure, baby_.

Shige rips out the earbuds and powers the iPod off, shoving it deep into the pocket of the hoodie like out of sight means out of mind. It’s about time to get up anyway; hopefully, an entire day of work will push all of this way down into the depths of his memory where he shoves everything he wants to forget, like the sexist things he used to say in magazine interviews and that one time he made out with Nishikido.

He makes it to the venue so early that he’s the first member there, which turns around to bite him in the ass when Massu’s naturally the next person to arrive. Massu looks surprised but not at all suspicious, jogging in place with a big smile on his face.

“You’re up early!” he exclaims, jogging a few more seconds before dropping into stretches. “Did you sleep well?”

“Do you have feelings for me?” Shige blurts out, because honestly it’s the only thing he can think about and he’s going to be a mess until he finds out _why_ Massu has a playlist named after him that could double as an AV soundtrack.

There’s no break in Massu’s stride, though he does look up at Shige through his bangs with a confused head tilt. “What are you talking about?”

“You left your iPod in your hoodie,” Shige says, folding his arms as he fixes his best stern face on his old friend who might not be just a friend. (Oh, _that’s_ what Ariana meant!) “There was a playlist with my name on it, so I listened to it.”

“Hmm,” Massu says nonchalantly, and Shige kind of wants to strangle him for being so casual about this when Shige’s spent the last two hours freaked out about the last fifteen years. “You weren’t supposed to find that.”

He goes back to stretching, ignoring how Shige gapes at him. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say?” Massu asks, and now he disrupts his flow to sit lotus-style on the floor, looking up at Shige expectantly.

“I don’t know,” Shige answers honestly, a little taken aback at having to do all of the talking here. Massu should be explaining himself. “Explain yourself.”

Massu sighs. “What is there to explain? I made a playlist of songs that make me think about you.”

The Lil Wayne song replays in Shige’s head, and he closes his eyes in an attempt to make it go away. It doesn’t work. “ _How_ do you think about me?”

Now Massu gives him a _look_ , his voice snappish enough for Shige to cower. “This is already embarrassing enough without you making fun of me. Let’s just warm up and do our best for NEWS—”

“I’m not making fun of you, I swear,” Shige rushes to tell him. “I want to know, because I’m seriously confused.”

That has Massu laughing out loud. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“It’s not,” Shige says. It feels weird and unequal to be standing while Massu sits, so he plops down right in front of him and rubs the fabric of his sweatpants above his knees a little too hard. “Those songs were all over the place, Taka. Do you have feelings for me? Or do you just want to...have sex with me?”

“Do I have to pick one?” Massu asks seriously, and that heat returns to Shige’s body as well as his heart, amplified by a thousand with Massu’s eyes on him. “You really were never supposed to know about that. It’s better in my head, right? I can listen to those songs and imagine what it would be like, then go back to real life where we’re friends who work together and neither one of us is interested in other people like that.”

Shige uses all of his brain power to try to follow that, and fails. “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to,” Massu insists. “Look, I don’t want anything to change, okay? We’ve come too far to let something like this come between us. They’re just feelings. I’ll be fine continuing the way things are.”

“I won’t,” Shige says bluntly, and now Massu’s eyes are wide. “Don’t you want to know if I feel the same way?”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Massu scoffs. “You don’t. If you did, you would have said something at the first sign of feeling something different toward me.”

Shige grins, and Massu looks even more pissed off until he goes on. “That’s exactly what I thought you would do.”

The anger (and likely embarrassment) slowly fades from Massu’s face until he lets out a chuckle. “Touché.”

“I’m open to the idea,” Shige says firmly, admitting it to himself as the words leave his mouth, and Massu gives him a look he can’t decipher. “I’m serious. I like how that playlist made me feel. I think it’s worth exploring.”

“We can’t,” Massu replies, but his eyes protest everything he says. “It sounds great in theory, but the harsh reality is that it won’t work out. It’ll ruin the group. I don’t even want a relationship—”

“So, we won’t have one.” Shige shrugs. “Place some faith in me, please. I am well aware of how adverse you are to anyone in your space. I’m the same way. Let’s just talk about it later, after today’s concerts, okay? Or _not_ talk about it.”

He adds the last bit for humor, but Massu doesn’t relax until he hears the latter option. “Come to my room tonight,” Massu says, his breath hitching like he was still exercising. “Please shower first.”

“I will,” Shige promises. His heart is beating wildly at anything and everything they could do together once they’re alone with no obligations for several hours, and he hopes he can channel it into energy for the concerts because there is still a long day ahead.

Carrying on like nothing had happened turns out to be easier than Shige had anticipated. It helps that he’s so focused on putting on a good show for his fans and having fun with the other members, leaving no room in his mind for any anxiety about what happens next. He’s not that worried about it anyway; it’s much better than if he hadn’t confronted Massu at all, if they hadn’t talked about it and Shige would have spent the whole day and possibly the rest of his life wondering how Massu felt about him and whether he wanted to act on it.

The only thing that doesn’t make sense is that Massu had separated the two. Whenever Shige has felt strongly about people in the past, he always, always wanted to act on it. Up until now, he had thought that was a package deal, but Massu’s automatic reluctance to actually _do_ anything those songs had promised—even admit his feelings—leaves Shige bewildered. _It’s better in my head_ , Massu had said, to which Shige can’t even begin to relate.

The few hours between concerts are spent resting, and Shige doesn’t think twice before he flops right next to Massu and curls up along his side. Massu automatically extends his arm for Shige to duck under, and a stupid smile forms on Shige’s face as he gets comfortable. It’s far from the first time they’ve cuddled like this, but it’s the first time it might _mean_ something and Shige feels rejuvenated simply from reuniting himself with those firm muscles that had carried him last night.

“You two are cute,” Koyama comments, a towel wrapped around his waist as he emerges from the world’s longest shower. “I’m glad you are getting closer.”

Shige has his mouth open to respond to that, instantly going on defense, but naturally Koyama’s not alone and their remaining member joins them with a big grin and no towel. “Aw, Massu finally said something.”

“Shut up, Tegoshi,” Massu grumbles, the depth of his voice even more imminent with Shige’s head on his shoulder.

“Said what?” Koyama asks, looking entirely too excited as he looks back and forth between Tegoshi and Massu. “Did Massu actually confide in Tego-chan about something personal?!”

His surprise is warranted, because Massu’s usually so tight-lipped about his private business and the absolute last person to whom he would open up is Tegoshi. Shige’s shocked himself, but Massu’s whole body is tensing and Shige snuggles closer in an attempt to calm him, which only works a little bit.

“Not exactly,” Tegoshi answers as he flops down next to Shige butt ass naked, and Shige feels sorry for the next unsuspecting person who has to sit on this couch. “We were touring and Massu was lonely, so we had some drinks and eventually I pieced together that he had a crush on Shige.”

“Touring?” Shige repeats, leaning up to give Massu an incredulous look despite the tension increasing. “Your last TegoMasu tour was five years ago.”

“Yup,” Massu says flatly, his breaths deepening as he presumably tries to relax. Shige wants to dart his eyes away, to avoid making Massu even more uncomfortable about something as sensitive as his feelings, but he’s more preoccupied by the fact that Massu has been holding them in for so long.

“I wish you would have told me,” Shige says quietly, staring at Massu’s eyes until the latter meets his gaze. “I might have been open to it back then too.”

“Aw~” Koyama and Tegoshi coo together, and Shige directs an unimpressed look over his shoulder. “Don’t give me that face, Shigeaki,” Koyama goes on. “Your relationship affects Tegoshi and me too.”

“We’re not having a relationship,” Shige and Massu say in unison, and Shige laughs as Massu appears to finally deflate before him. “Let us figure out what we’re doing first,” Shige adds. “I just found the playlist this morning.”

Massu cringes, and all too late Shige realizes that this was not common knowledge.

“Ooh, what playlist?” Tegoshi asks, shaking Shige from the force of his excited bounces. “Were any of my solos on it?”

That has Massu bursting out laughing. “Absolutely _not_.”

Shige realizes which one of Tegoshi’s solos it would have likely been and tries not to look too affected. “It was bad enough Yamashita was on there,” he thinks out loud.

“ _Shige_ ,” Massu hisses, and Shige squeezes his eyes shut as he realizes what had just slipped out. “Let’s leave some things between us, okay?”

“Sorry,” Shige mutters, but the way Massu pulls him back down and wraps an arm around him says that he’s not really mad. “I didn’t say what song it was.”

Koyama and Tegoshi are already debating over which one it is, Koyama holding firm on “Mola” while Tegoshi claims it could be anything on the Unleashed album, and Shige leaves them to it. Now that the tension has dissipated, Massu is incredibly comfortable, and Shige thinks he could nap just like this, the weight of Massu’s arm holding him close like a human seat belt. There’s an air of possessiveness to it and Shige likes it, likes the idea of meaning something to someone, in particular _this_ someone.

He really does fall asleep, because the next thing he knows is Massu gently shaking him awake and how heavy his head feels. “We have to get ready for the next show now,” Massu tells him, sounding apologetic with this soft voice Shige doesn’t recall hearing from him before.

The arm belt lifts and Shige stretches, realizing after the fact that his shirt had ridden up and Massu had definitely noticed. “Sorry, sorry,” he says. “I’m not trying to tease you, I swear.”

“A little teasing is okay,” Massu tells him, looking as sheepish as Shige feels from the confession. “As long as you don’t mind that I look at you that way.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Shige replies, and something like a chill and a surge of heat simultaneously sears through him. “I like knowing that I make you feel good without even trying.”

“How are you agreeing to this so easily?” Massu asks, the sudden question leading Shige to tilt his head in confusion. “It took me _so long_ to even figure out that’s what I wanted from you, and you just adapt to it like some kind of emotional chameleon who can easily return someone’s feelings.”

“When you put it like that, it sounds like I’d do it for anyone,” Shige points out, and Massu shrugs indifferently. “I’d have to be attracted to you to react this way, right? It’s simple for me because I already know how you feel. There’s no uncertainty or stress on my end. It’s a matter of whether I can see myself being like that with you, which I can. Especially after hearing the songs you listen to when you think about me.”

Massu's conflicted face fades into a smile, and the room feels brighter. “Your confidence makes me feel better about it, like it really is something we can do without any repercussions. Even knowing that Koyama and Tegoshi are supporting us helps alleviate my worries that it will end badly.”

“Listen to me,” Shige says firmly, feeling more sure of himself than he’s ever been with his partners before. “We’ve known each other for half of our lives, right? I’m not gonna start acting different with you just because we’ve escalated our friendship. If it stops feeling good, we stop doing it. Nothing changes. As long as we’re honest with each other, it’ll be okay.”

Massu nods like Shige’s giving him a pep talk before a concert, which he supposes he technically is. “You’re right. I’m still in disbelief that you’re actually okay with this, and I probably will be for a while. Even after we do whatever we end up doing tonight...”

He interrupts himself with a sharp inhale and Shige can almost see the nervousness about making this _real_ plaguing him again. Instead of consoling him some more, at least with words, Shige leans forward and presses their lips together, quickly enough to prevent anyone catching them but slowly enough to make his point.

Massu blinks his eyes open and fixes Shige with a blank look. “What was that for?”

“All this talk about _doing stuff_ and we hadn’t even kissed yet,” Shige explains. “Although, thinking about it now, I should have asked first.”

They both shake with the force of Massu’s laughter. “You and your consent.”

“It’s important!” Shige exclaims, and Massu laughs harder. “Stop making fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Massu says, calming down as he lifts a hand to Shige’s face. “I just find it amusing that you listened to that playlist and there’s actually a doubt in your mind that I want this.”

“I didn’t listen to the _whole_ thing,” Shige admits. “Do you even understand all of that English?”

“I understand enough,” Massu tells him, looking a bit affronted. “I went to an international high school, you know.”

“I really only catch the dirty stuff unless I take the time to look it up,” Shige says. “Which means I followed that _entire_ remix to ‘Drunk in Love’, oh my _god_.”

Massu makes a sound between a squeal and a groan and covers his face with both hands. “Ah! I’m so embarrassed.”

Just remembering those lyrics has Shige feeling hot again, though Massu’s face is just as pink when he finally lowers his hands. “It was so _vulgar_ ,” Shige goes on. “iPod-san should have shuffled it later in the playlist so I could have time to work up to it.”

Massu laughs. “Did you hear any of Akanishi’s songs?”

“No,” Shige answers. “Just Yamashita. I thought you hated Akanishi?”

“I can’t hate him—we share a birthday,” Massu explains, like that’s a completely logical reason. “His music is pretty good though. Sexy without being too much. I have two of them on that playlist. One is about the anticipation from waiting to be with someone.” He pauses to offer a sheepish smile. “I thought of it because that’s how I feel right now.”

Shige nods. “I get that. Sometimes, it’s easier to use music to express ourselves instead of putting our feelings into words ourselves.”

“It’s what makes us great musicians,” Massu agrees, and Shige is not at all prepared for Massu to _sing_ : “ _Baby, ‘cause tonight, Imma blow your mind, go until the crack of dawn~_ ”

If listening to all of those songs while barely conscious had left Shige in a frazzled state, it’s nothing compared to being _serenaded_ with one while wide awake and twenty minutes away from taking the stage. Shige feels things that don’t make sense because Massu’s not even touching him, yet he feels just as seduced as if Massu had already made good on his words.

“Dammit, Akanishi,” Shige mutters, and Massu laughs out loud.

That’s when Koyama walks in, his brow worried until he finds his two members right where he had left them. “There you are! We’re going over some last minute cha—what happened to Shige?”

“ _Nothing_ ,” Shige answers a little too insistently, and Massu laughs again.

Koyama shakes his head, but he’s grinning. “It’s gonna be like this from now on, huh? Come on, lovebirds, let’s get to work.”

Shige has his mouth open to refute, but then Massu gets to his feet and extends a hand to help him up, and Shige’s so bewildered that he just accepts it and swallows his protest that they are _not_ lovebirds. At least not yet.

Thankfully, it’s just as easy to switch into concert mode as it was earlier that afternoon. Tegoshi throws them both under the bus during the MC by telling the entire arena that Massu and Shige have been spending more time together lately, and without missing a beat Massu replies that it’s because the other two are always off somewhere being gross. Shige feigns offense at being Massu’s last resort, and Massu goes on to declare that Shige’s the most pleasant out of the three of them because Shige doesn’t annoy him or smother him.

Of course, that just makes Tegoshi become even _more_ annoying while Koyama’s as overaffectionate as usual, and then Shige turns the tables toward Koyama and Tegoshi’s shower adventures. Tegoshi’s more than happy to share and Shige regrets everything, only grateful for the disgust to offset the underlying burn of arousal he’s had since first thing this morning, heightened by his conversation with Massu between shows.

During the encore, Shige sees an opportunity to jump onto Massu’s back and does it without a second thought. Massu’s in the middle of singing, his deep “oof!” booming through the arena, but he straightens up and carries Shige down the runway just like he had done on the street last night. Shige hears both Tegoshi and Koyama laugh in his ear piece, then it’s Shige’s turn to sing and he rests his head on Massu’s shoulder throughout his whole line, koala-hugging Massu from behind while Massu keeps walking like he’s not burdened by the extra weight at all.

The fans love it, and there’s a slight thrill in being close to Massu like this out in the open. It’s a combination of the usual concert adrenaline and the energy surge that occurs when Shige remembers that this beautiful, talented man _wants_ him, _loves_ him even, which has him soaring so high that he doesn’t need a bungee cord to touch the sky.

Even his pressing engagement can’t pull him away from these cheers, their fans who scream their group name at the end while the four of them hold hands and bow deeply. Shige’s not even standing next to Massu, but it doesn’t matter. Koyama’s crying, and while that’s not anything new, it tugs at Shige’s heart and leaves him feeling a little guilty that he’s going to abandon his best friend in his time of need to go get maybe laid.

“It’s okay if you want to stay with him,” Massu’s voice sounds in his ear, and if Shige hadn't returned his feelings before this moment, he certainly does now. “I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t be mad if you wake me up later tonight either.”

His hand is on Shige’s waist and Shige lowers his own hand to cover it, desperately craving any kind of physical contact in the meantime. There are staff everywhere and they both need to shower before getting any closer anyway. For the first time in a long while, Shige’s jealous of Tegoshi who simply invites himself into the other members’ shower stalls like it’s not a big deal at all. If Shige had that kind of personality too, nobody would bat an eyelash at Massu and him sharing a stall.

Speaking of, Tegoshi isn’t even trying to be subtle as he all but shoves the sobbing Koyama into the shower area, lingering long enough to wink at Shige and call out, “I got this,” before disappearing. Shige frowns at being replaced so easily, but he has to admit that he wouldn’t be the best person to comfort Koyama with his mind elsewhere.

Shige just rinses the sweat off since he’ll take a proper shower when he gets back to his room, and Massu seems to have the same idea being as he’s drying his hair in practice clothes when Shige emerges in a towel. He realizes at the same time Massu’s eyes lock on his bare chest that he probably should have gotten dressed in the stall, not that he isn’t enjoying the way Massu’s looking at him like the gyoza in the window last night.

“I swear, I’m not teasing you,” he rushes to say, again, quickly pulling his tour shirt over his head.

“I told you, a little teasing is okay.” Massu’s stare lingers a few seconds longer before he averts his eyes to gather up his things. “I’ll see you back at the hotel. Come by whenever.”

He places a key card on the table in front of Shige with the silent understanding that it’s the spare key to his room, and Shige accepts it to put in his pocket whenever he gets his pants on. Massu flashes a smile that’s half nervousness, half promise as he heads out, leaving Shige to finish getting dressed in peace.

The first thing Shige does when he gets back to his room is dig out the bright yellow iPod and pop in the earbuds again. He skips through the remaining tracks until he hears Akanishi’s voice and struggles to make out the words—that guy’s Japanese is hard enough to understand, let alone his English—until he hears _Said I love you, said I love you, said I love you_  during the chorus and melts.

Akanishi's other song conveniently plays right after it, the beat so sexy that Shige doesn’t even need to listen to the words. This must be the one about anticipation, a slow tempo turning faster during the chorus and back again, building up to a climatic bridge. It’s easy for Shige to close his eyes and picture being with Massu this way, never mind that he’s actually going to do it whenever he gets off his ass and goes.

It takes all of his willpower not to touch himself in the shower, though his resistance proves futile when he cleans _everywhere_. He’s so turned on by the time he dries off that even the rough texture of the towel feels good, the fabric of his clothes stimulating him everywhere they make contact.

His phone's vibrating on the nightstand, and for a few horrible seconds he fears that Massu might have called off the whole thing, changed his mind and decided that he didn’t want to act on it after all. But before Shige can get too worked up at the possibility, he sees that the message is in their group text. He’s still exhaling in relief when he opens it to find a picture of Koyama making a stupid face with pineapple bangs, the caption from Tegoshi informing them that Koyama is happy now and Massu and Shige should enjoy their evening with about fourteen winky faces.

 _We will_ , Massu had replied with absolutely no emoji, and Shige shivers so hard that he jerks from the force of it.

There’s nothing stopping him from getting this party started right now, at least nothing short of his hair sticking straight up and starting to frizz. He shoves it under a beanie to try and flatten it, which makes him remember that he needs to return the hoodie and the iPod that had managed to change his life in less than twenty-four hours.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror for a few more moments, silently psyching himself up like he’s going out on stage instead of crossing the hall. Somehow, this is just as important, equivalent to the first time he sings a new song or performs something he had produced. He’s excited to share such an intimate part of himself, but at the same time he's terrified he’ll make a mistake or it won’t be received well.

With one final deep breath, he sets his jaw and puts one foot out the door, making sure he has both key cards before it closes. On second thought, he better grab his toothbrush in case he ends up sleeping over there, because nobody likes morning breath. A third trip back has him digging for the lube and condoms he always packs _just in case_ , and at this point he may as well put together an overnight bag. To go across the hall.

His phone goes off again, still on the nightstand where he almost left it, and he tries not to facepalm as he retrieves the device. This time it’s a private message from Massu, and Shige’s already reading before he can freak out about what it could say. Massu’s done with his bath and wondering if Shige is still coming by, it’s okay if he decided he didn’t want to, though Massu’s back is really sore and Shige should at least give him a backrub since it’s entirely his fault.

Shige snorts as he tosses his phone into the tote bag with the rest of his stuff and actually makes it all the way out the door this time. Leaving is half the battle; the other half is remembering which key card is for Massu’s room and using the wrong one at first.

“Yay, you came,” Massu greets him, his voice muffled by something that turns out to be the bed he’s starfished across, face down. “It didn’t start hurting until I got in the bathtub.”

“I’m sorry,” Shige says honestly, and Massu lets out a pitiful whine as Shige deposits his bag on the nightstand and carefully crawls onto the bed, kneeling next to Massu’s waist. “I’ll make it better.”

It comes out dirtier than he’d intended, but Massu hums in approval and Shige surveys Massu’s back before starting on the shoulders. The muscles feel just as nice as they had when he was using them to hold on, except now Shige gets to press his fingers and thumbs into the flesh and gently disperse any tension he finds.

“Can I take off your shirt?” he asks quietly, and Massu answers by reaching back to pull the collar over his head. Then Shige’s making direct contact with smooth skin and it’s just as good for him as it is for Massu, judging by the soft moans that slip out every time Shige works out a kink.

For all the talking they did earlier, neither one seems to have anything to say right now, or perhaps they have already said it. Shige’s entranced by the wide expanse of skin for him to touch, rub, _dig into_ as this act becomes less about alleviating Massu’s soreness and more about feeling more of his skin.

“Are you okay?” Massu asks suddenly, though he doesn’t make any effort to move. “You’re gasping.”

Shige realizes it as soon as Massu says it, his breath seeming to run away from him with each squeeze of Massu’s muscles. “I’m enjoying this,” he admits, eyes closed and head hanging to appreciate the full experience without his other senses getting in the way.

“That makes two of us,” Massu replies, and Shige smiles at how pleased he sounds. “You can go lower, if you want.”

A low groan escapes from Shige’s lungs without giving him any chance to stop it, not that he would have. He wants Massu to know what those words are doing to him, what this whole act is doing to him. “Gladly.”

He drops his hands to the backs of Massu’s thighs, feeling them through the fabric of his shorts until he reaches the hem and slips underneath, then moves back up with no barriers. Massu’s thigh muscles are just as firm as the rest of him and Shige rubs them gently, feeling how Massu twitches and tenses as he goes higher.

“Is it sore here too?” he asks innocently, reducing the pressure to trail his fingers along the insides of Massu’s thighs, and he almost moans out loud when Massu’s hips automatically rock into the mattress.

“No,” Massu answers, his voice coming out lower than usual. “I just want you to touch me.”

Shige pulls his hands back, revelling in the completely different whine Massu emits this time, and he stretches out alongside Massu, curling up on his side and playing with Massu’s unstyled hair. “If that’s the case, why don’t you turn around and give me more to touch?”

Instead of responding verbally, Massu pushes himself up with what looks like the last of his energy and rolls onto his side facing Shige. His face is flushed all the way down to his chest, and his shorts do nothing to hide how much he likes Shige’s hands on him. Shige only gets in a glance before Massu’s hand is on his jaw, guiding him up for a kiss that’s slow and gentle despite the mountain range of tension between them, lips sliding along each other as Shige’s mind starts to fade away.

One of Shige’s arms is under his head, but the other wraps around Massu’s bare waist and pulls him closer, returning to the warm skin that shudders under his touch. Massu’s fingers slide back behind Shige’s ear and along the hairline on the back of his neck, snagging a sensitive spot that has Shige kissing him deeper. A moan tickles Shige’s tongue as it seeks out Massu’s, his body temperature soaring when Massu licks him back.

Shige’s already so hot and they haven’t even really done anything yet. His hand slides around to the front to explore Massu’s chest, paying close attention to what makes Massu squirm and what has him kissing Shige harder, and this time Shige fully intends to tease when he rubs a pebbled nipple between his forefinger and thumb just to feel Massu whimper into his mouth.

Then Massu’s hand drops to Shige’s waist and lingers, fingers trailing under the elastic band of Shige’s pants, and Shige’s so hard he could burst. But he wants to keep playing this game, see which one of them breaks first. He drops his hand to Massu’s thighs again, kneading the muscles as he makes his way to the inner part, drifting up as far as he can before the material of Massu's shorts hinders him from going any further.

“Take them off,” Massu whispers, falling out of their kiss and mouthing his way down Shige’s jaw. He finds the spot that had driven Shige crazy before and Shige shoves down the shorts without a second thought, squeezing the newly exposed flesh with both hands and tracing the outline of his briefs.

The world shifts a bit as Shige’s rolled onto his back, Massu hovering over him as he continues to press his lips behind Shige’s ear. His hands move up Shige’s chest, shoving up his shirt, and Shige moans out loud when Massu gets his payback on both of Shige’s nipples.

“Can I undress you?” Massu asks softly, pressing the words right into Shige’s ear, and Shige nods so hard that he almost clocks Massu in the face. “Okay, I see how consent can be sexy now.”

Shige laughs as Massu helps him out of his clothes, pausing when he reaches Shige’s boxers, and Shige’s more than ready for this game to be over. “Go ahead,” he prompts, guiding Massu down for another kiss, and he shivers when the last bit of fabric is removed from his body.

A low moan sounds from Massu as his hands roam all over Shige’s back and legs, making Shige’s breath hitch when he traces around the hip. “I _never_ thought I’d actually get to touch you like this,” he whispers against Shige’s lips, and a different kind of warmth spreads throughout Shige’s chest. “I want to do more, but I don’t want this to end.”

“I understand that very much,” Shige replies, and he does, even with how badly he wants to escalate things between them. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“Oh, we’re doing this _now_ ,” Massu says firmly, and Shige has a fraction of a second of reprieve before Massu’s on him, kicking off the last of his own clothes as he settles on top of Shige. Two sets of breath hitch as bare cocks bump, then Massu’s strong fingers are wrapped around Shige’s hard flesh and Shige’s whine fizzles out on Massu’s tongue.

Shige doesn’t hesitate before reciprocating, gasping at how thick and hard Massu is in the palm of his hand, and Massu’s hips give another one of those involuntary cants that has something deep inside Shige throbbing with need. His own body rocks and vibrates from the force of his moan, his other hand clutching onto Massu’s shoulder blade so roughly that he may as well be massaging him again.

“I want you,” he gets out, the words falling from his lips that Massu can’t seem to leave alone, continuing to brush them together even between deep kisses. “I brought stuff if you don’t have any.”

“What kind of stuff?” Massu asks, sounding mildly interested, and Shige’s nerves singe even more at what _else_ he could possibly be referring to.

“Lube and condoms,” Shige answers, and now Massu pulls back enough to fix him with wide eyes. “Unless you don’t want to?”

“I want to,” Massu assures him, squeezing his cock so tightly that Shige’s eyes roll back into his head and his own hips buck up. “I’m just still amazed that you want to be like this with me, and it just got _real_ super fast.”

“It’s already real,” Shige tells him, and Massu’s expression softens. “You really feel toward me the way those songs say?”

Massu gives one firm nod.

“Show me.”

Their next kiss is full of promise, swirling tongues and short breaths as Shige reaches for his bag and blindly rummages around until he finds what he’s looking for. Massu’s the one to groan low enough to shake them both, accepting the items Shige press into his hand and getting to work coating his fingers.

Despite how hot and heavy they’ve gotten, Massu’s touch is slow and gentle, circling Shige’s most intimate area enough to relax the muscle before starting to make his way inside. He falls out of Shige’s mouth and returns to the neck that automatically stretches out as Shige throws his head back, those lips on his skin leaving his body more pliant to accept a second finger, then a third.

Shige cries out loud when Massu finds that spot deep inside him, his elbows hooked under his own knees to hold himself open. He feels Massu’s cock hard and leaking against the back of his thigh, grinding a little as Massu chokes on his air, pressing as many grunts into Shige’s skin as he is kisses.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” Shige manages to say, leaning up at the same time Massu lifts his head, meeting dark eyes and thick lips. He holds Massu’s intense stare for a second before Massu descends upon him, capturing his mouth and kissing him so fiercely that Shige forgets where he is for a good minute, at least until Massu’s fingers disappear from his body and he hears the distinct sound of foil crinkling.

Then Massu makes a frustrated noise and Shige doesn’t think twice before reaching down to help, taking the condom from Massu’s trembling hands and rolling it onto Massu himself. Massu starts to mumble some kind of apology, but Shige’s already shaking his head and guiding Massu between his legs.

Both of them hiss when the tip of Massu’s cock breaches Shige’s stretched opening, and Massu has no problem taking over from there. He pushes in slowly, pressing one last kiss to Shige’s lips before leaning up to loop his arms around Shige’s thighs, holding himself steady as he sinks all the way in and bottoms out.

“Oh my god,” Massu sighs out, and Shige struggles to keep his eyes open to watch the wonder that is Massu’s face mid-coital. “You feel amazing. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.”

“Well, you’re not doing anything _yet_ ,” Shige says pointedly, and Massu lifts his eyebrows in challenge before offering a small thrust. “There you go. More of that.”

“Shige,” Massu hisses, and it takes until he starts moving again for Shige to realize that Massu was just _saying his name_. It takes Shige even higher, letting himself go and succumbing to the overwhelming waves of pleasure with each thrust of Massu deep inside him.

“Feels good,” Shige tells him, and Massu makes a small noise of contentment as he returns to Shige’s neck, igniting Shige’s arousal even more. “You can go harder, if you want.”

“We have concerts tomorrow,” Massu says, his voice mostly breaths, and Shige gasps when Massu dips his head down to lick and suck on a nipple. “I’ll give it to you harder when you don’t have to dance the day after.”

Shige starts to protest, but the lower angle has Massu hitting him just right and Shige’s focus shifts. His body aches for release and Shige doesn’t hesitate before shoving a hand between them and wrapping it around his neglected cock, moaning out loud as he finally gets relief.

“ _Fuck_ , that’s hot,” Massu growls, his thrusts a little sharper now that Shige’s body has tensed around him. “Can I do anything to help you?”

It’s such an innocent question with such a naughty implication, heightening Shige’s arousal so much that he can barely form words, let alone speak. “Just...just...don’t stop.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Massu says, punctuating his statement with a particularly deep thrust, sending Shige into an arch as he squeezes and twists his length just how he likes it. “I’m close too,” Massu goes on, his voice sinfully deep. “Watching you touch yourself is so fucking hot that I can’t hold back much longer.”

Shige chokes on his already short breath, the accumulation of everything coursing through him becoming larger than himself. “I’m gonna come,” he gasps a half a second before he _does_ , his entire body jerking from the force of his orgasm.

“ _Shige_ ,” Massu moans, and it sounds even better when Shige’s coming, both of them judging by the way Massu snaps his hips a few more times before shuddering on top of him, the pair of them falling still while Shige’s heart pounds in his head.

Massu’s struggling to push up and lean back on his heels, using what looks like the last of his energy to pull out and flop onto his back a short distance away. Suddenly cold and lonely, Shige forces his own deadweight onto its side and nudges his way into Massu’s embrace, not resting until he feels Massu’s own rapid heartbeat against his ear.

“Better than your playlist?” Shige asks when he can function again, still catching his breath.

“Different,” Massu answers, his chest heaving enough to gently rock Shige. “It’s like two separate worlds, one where I imagine being with you like this and one where I actually do it.”

Shige tries to make sense out of that, eventually giving up. “No reason you can’t have both.”

Massu grunts in response, but he tightens his arms around Shige and that’s confirmation enough.

“I feel good,” Shige thinks out loud, and Massu hums noncommittally until he goes on. “About this. About _us_.”

That has Massu inhaling so deeply that Shige rises and falls with the exhale. “I’ll probably be concerned later,” he finally says, “but for right now, I’m with you.”

“Yeah, you are,” Shige points out the double meaning, and Massu gives him an affectionate squeeze. “I wouldn’t be mad if you sang to me again.”

“I can barely _speak_ ,” Massu says with a laugh, and Shige grins proudly into his chest. “Besides, there’s not a song that represents how I feel right now. I just _do_.”

Somehow, that means more than if Massu had thrown someone else’s lyrics at him, even his own. Shige thinks there’s something to be said for experiencing something oneself as opposed to living vicariously through a song, but the words aren’t coming to him either.

“I’m really, _really_ glad you suck at dressing for the weather,” Massu says, still breathless, and Shige’s heart aches as he recalls the only reason they ended up like this at all. “You can keep the hoodie, if you want. I have like five of them.”

“Boyfriend hoodie,” Shige jokes, remembering how so many of their fans say they like wearing larger clothes belonging to their significant others.

“We’re not boyfriends,” Massu mumbles, and Shige leans up on his elbow despite the protests of his entire body to find Massu frowning at all of the baggage that term brings with it, which _is_ something Shige understands fully.

“Definitely not,” he agrees, and Massu's expression softens like Shige had just said something incredibly romantic. Shige doesn’t bother to fight the urge to lean down and kiss him, sealing the deal.

Their next breath has Massu rolling to his side, then Shige’s back returns to the damp part of the sheets as Massu's body weighs him down and he starts to heat up all over again despite his exhaustion.

“Again?” Shige asks, laughing at Massu’s amused chuckle as his reborn erection answers the question for him. “ _We gon’ be fuckin’ all night, we ain’t making love_ ~”

Massu pulls back enough to give him an unimpressed look. “Maybe leave the vulgar English to Weezy.”

The music in Shige’s head fades into the background as Massu leans back in, putting the song they’re creating together on replay.

**Author's Note:**

> the songs on massu's playlist, in the order they were mentioned:
> 
> \- adore, cashmere cat ft. ariana grande  
> \- rouge, sexy zone (fuuma solo)  
> \- make me feel, janelle monaé  
> \- lose control, kinki kids (koichi solo)  
> \- drunk in love, lil wayne ft. christina milian  
> \- call out my name, the weeknd  
> \- forever mine, yamashita tatsuro  
> \- shiver, yamashita tomohisa  
> \- body talk, akanishi jin  
> \- slow jam, akanishi jin


End file.
